They're All Going To Laugh At Me

Clinton is preaching at his church on Sunday, he's the youth pastor; so I am going to his church. But that means I'm going to meet not only his parents, but his entire congregation at the same time.

I'm already the talk of the town (so he tells me) and now I'm super nervous that they're going to hate my guts. I'm having dreams/nightmares about meeting them and little old ladies telling me I'm not good enough for him. Oh, and that dream about Uncle Gus grabbing my bum.

I guess I'm just so used to being single and not really caring what people think of me. But now, I HAVE to care, haha. Seriously though, having a boyfriend makes me totally self-conscious about everything; my body, my spirituality, my past, my present, everything.

Basically, I don't know if I can make Clinton happy. And it's driving me nuts cause I've thought about this (He and I) for so long - now that I have it I don't wanna screw it up. But it's me - I screw everything up. And I'm pissed off at myself for worrying about it because up till a few weeks ago I was the most confident I had ever been and now I'm doubting myself.

I guess I should stop worrying about it and just do some more praying. If it's meant to be, it will work (no matter how much I screw up). And at least this time I'm actually paying attention to God - he's the one who led me into this relationship, I guess if need be, he'll lead me out.

Soooo, anyways, there's an idea of the mania going on inside my head when I have a new boyfriend who's parents and church 'family' I have to meet and I'm PMS-ing. Haha. Wish me luck on Sunday and Clinton too. I'm sure his sermon will be awesome - it's on Malachi 3:6-12.

Um, Clinton, can you not read this blog. That would be awesome! Joking. You're super-duper!